I Want To Evolve – Garnier Fructis

Friggin’ catchy song…

Garnier Fructis:

Thank goodness for the long version of the commercial. I never thought I would be saying, “I really love that dandruff commercial.” While the commercial itself has disgusting moments, the monkey more than makes up for it. Yes it’s true, I can be bought off with a monkey. That said this commercial is all about the music. A lot of commercials try to get their hook in with a catchy song. Usually I’m immune, but with this yet unreleased song by The Non-Commissioned Officers (and no the song isn’t on their myspace either) I am completely hooked, lined and sunk.

Credit where it is due, Garnier has turned out a good if somewhat flaky (couldn’t resist) commercial.

Would you have a drink with yourself?

A look at two ads this time.

Stoli:

The first one is kind of funny; Hugh Hefner discussing the robe with himself. Though when he looks into the camera lecherously it does leave me feeling like I should get checked for an STD. Also I find it hard to accept his rags to riches story, when you’re talking about a loan of a 1000 dollars that long ago. I wonder how much that would translate to today? And he had a parent who was willing to loan it to him for porn… that’s really a self made man there. Still it is amusing.

The second with Julia Stiles is better. Debating art versus money is good for a chuckle. Course when I looked up her credits curious to see what she’s actually done recently, I found very few things. Sort of negates the whole conversation but what the heck, I’ll overlook that.

Mind you none of this really has anything to do with why I’m commenting on the commercials.

The subject matter is hidden in the humor of the commercials. Would you have a drink with yourself? while amusing, feels like a riff on the ‘Most interesting man in the world’ ads. If you really think about it though, what the commercials are really asking is: are you an alcoholic? After all, one of the dangers that is greatly discussed when treating alcoholism is drinking alone. Just ask any plastered guy in the back of a dank, poorly lit bar if he’d like to have a drink with himself. Course he would, he already is.

So never mind the disclaimer at the bottom of the screen urging you to drink responsible, the real message of the ads is not to. Which is really the private stance of any company that sells alcohol, Stoli’s just a little more blatant about it.  Refreshing I suppose, but it leaves me with a bitter aftertaste.

Well, not really. I just wanted to use those puns.

For more horrible puns and reviews, check out The Non-Review

Hardee’s, food for jerks

I thought of several clever titles, but they all seemed… inappropriate.

Hardee’s:

So after years of Hardee’s commercials I’ve reached the following conclusion: It’s the food of bastards.

Just look at this commercial, it’s telling you how you can scam your girlfriend. Clearly the relationship isn’t going to last, but that’s ok. After all, you only have to look at their previous commercials to know that Hardee’s laughs at the idea of men being decent. In one ad, their point about how cheap their food is, is brought across by a guy buying multiple bouquets for different women. See? he can’t afford to eat cause he’s to busy screwing more than one woman at a time.

So who are they targeting with these ads? Men, obviously. But more to the point, two types of men. first, the kind of jerks depicted in these commercials. This group will include the highschool – fresh out of college guys, who are all about scoring, as well as some slimy idiots who never grow up. And then second, group guys. Guys who laugh at every stupid raunchy joke, because they’re of a group mentality.

“yup, hehe, that sure is how you treat a woman.”
Yeah, those guys.

This commercial isn’t as bad as the other one I mentioned, and they’re counting on most others to look at the humor of misunderstood tears while ignoring the larger subtext. But if you cut right down to the core of these commercials they’re very misogynistic. Much, much worse then the Carl’s Jr ads selling the burgers with half naked women. Cause those at least are just asserting that men are weak tools where a stripped down girl is concerned. Which largely is true. And no, I’m not arguing in favor of those ads, cause I rather found them stupid myself.

So yeah, bottom line, their slogan might as well be “Are you a bastard? Eat at Hardee’s”

You’ll Never Walk Alone… dang it.

P&G:

Hey, your commercial got in my Rodgers & Hammerstein.
Hey, your Rodgers & Hammerstein got in my commercial.

*tasting*

Ew…

Why did they do this abomination? No, ‘Carousel’ is far from sacrosanct with me. Does that mean I want to see them try and take the emotional fuel of You’ll Never Walk Alone and try and squeeze it into a minute of saccharine advertising? Heck no. I fail to see who this is supposed to be marketed to. Seeing as how the message is: you’re mothers, and you have to put up with crap, but hey, your kid’s in the Olympics.

In other words this commercial is being marketed exclusively to Olympic families. I’m sure that’s a tremendously, huge market. Also, the kid that’s in front of the Principle’s office… why is his mother comforting him? He just set fire to the gymnasium. The police are waiting for him outside.

It is possible to make emotional commercials, even with less time then this one takes. Off the top of my head, the AT&T commercial with the little girl, whose father sends her pictures. That was also carried on the weight of a song. In this instance Amos Lee’s Sweet Pea. That hit an emotional note with trying to cheapen it.

Bad form P&G. Bad execution, and a bad landing. No medal for you.

Apolo Ohno AT&T Commercial

No clever titles I just likes the commercial.

AT&T:

I absolutely love this commercial. First of all the music is fantastic. The concept of Apolo creating a spinning record out of an ice rink seems like an oddly cool short-short story.  AT&T rarely scores, so when they do they must be applauded. And if you don’t know the song in the commercial it’s ‘Intro’ by ‘The Xx’ Take a look:

Super Bowl Commercials Preview

Like most people, I find the ads to be half the fun of the Super Bowl. For a blog that’s purely about commercials, I guess the Super Bowl is like the Super Bowl of commercials. Um, yeah I think that makes sense. Best move on quickly before too much time can spent thinking it through.

All that matters really is that we’ll be looking at three ads that are airing tomorrow. If you’d rather be surprised, and enjoy it in the moment, don’t blame you, you may be excused from the class. I only let myself view 3, cause I want the pleasure myself. For the rest lets see those ads.

Harry Potter Theme Park:

Wow, that’s pretty bad. They manage to make kids flying around on broomsticks in long red robes look geeky and stupid and… never mind. Actually I loved Harry Potter and probably wouldn’t mind seeing the attraction. The commercial though is just hyper-lame. Something about the feel of it just screams 1992. They assume they can get away with it because it’s Harry Potter (the first time I typed this sentence I accidentally wrote ‘Harry Pooter’ Now that would make for a different story) but that’s being lazy and disrespectful to us the viewing audience.

There must be better.

This isn’t the ad that’s going to be playing as I understand it. This is just a teaser ad. Tomorrow we shall see where Bridgestone is going with this. I think this could be a good thing. Bridgestone in the past has put out some very stylish commercials. They weren’t really geared toward humor, but they had an undeniable flair. I’m on the optimistic side for this. Plus the little guy looks funny.

It’s football though. You can’t have football without Favre.

Favre for Hyundai:

You’d think I’d get tired of the Favre retirement jokes, but I just don’t. This is head shoulders above the Sears commercials. When I first heard of the ads I was skeptical because I’ve sort have thought that Hyundai is one sneaky monkey the way they’ve targeted people for the past couple years. The idea that they would now attack at the heart of America through its favorite pastimes, bothered me. But here it is, and it’s hysterical. I’m still not going to buy a Hyundai, but they have funny commercials.

Evidently Hyundai means “modernity” in Korean. Ironic don’t you think that they’re narrated by Jeff Bridges who is going to be starring in Tron 2, in effect just bringing the old back to the front. Not to mention that they’re whole point is about their lasting commitment by showing a man that most pundits originally labeled as antiquated before this last season started.

I’m just sayin’ is all…

Football Commercials

As we’re nearing the Super Bowl, I wanted to take a moment and look at some truly great recent football ads.

Head & Shoulders:

Mastercard:

Sears:

Usually this is where I put some clever commentary, but do to the fact that my right eye is swollen up, I’ll make it brief. Whatever your feelings about them on the field are, off the field, these three are some seriously funny guys. In fact, if Peyton Manning wanted to retire from football and just do comedy, I’d more than support it. And if Troy Polamalu wanted to leave the Steelers and join a different team, like say, I dunno… the Titans… well I guess I’d support that. What’s that? You say you’ve seen through my ever so clever subterfuge? Hmm, must make an escape… Hey look, Favre!

Shh, Staples Guy, use your ‘indoor’ voice.

Staples:

Yes, I know, there’s a large constituency of people who like this commercial. I’m not one of them. For starters I have always hated the yelling thing in ads. Over reacting to something as mundane as “low prices” is only funny if done right. The school of humor this comes from is that of the quick shock. By putting no setup whatsoever, theoretically his manic behavior should catch you off guard. Which it did, in an annoying way.

Then they carry it just that one step further by introducing the “punchline” with the two employees. Because obviously they don’t pay any attention to the fact that either a) he’s having an aneurysm or b) he’s a nut, who’s going to give them a headache with all the extra work they’ll have, putting everything in the store back. Because ultimately, something is seriously not right with the man. He’s not buying the entire store, so don’t worry about getting him a cart. Worry about whether you should call an ambulance or the police.

Either way, something’s going down.

For more of my insight, check out my new home at The Non-Review

Walmart Clown Floats Down Here

Yeah I know I said I said I would probably only be writing once a week, but here I am again. Either my love for you people is that overwhelming, or my desire to rip\praise commercials is.

Walmart:

I can’t think when the last time was that I enjoyed a Walmart ad like this. To me this commercial captures all the elements needed for a successful spot. It’s humorous, yes, but it also manages to pull a classic Jedi mind trick. It’s an embarrassing humor, but not about the brand. They put an idiot up front to laugh at. And laugh we do.

There’s an old joke about dieting, that states if you want to look good just hang out with someone fatter than you. Really that’s what Walmart is doing with this ad. By putting your focus on the clown injuring himself, you’re no longer focused on it advertising Walmart. Now you’re standing there with the company laughing together. It’s an old trick and a good one.

Mind you I’m not coming down on them for it. Advertising is advertising. I prefer an acknowledgment that the consumer deserves better than an idiot yelling in a store (oh yes, I will be taking you to task this week Staples) to sell the brand. All in all it’s a very enjoyable ad. I would like to see more of this from Walmart. Mind you, I doubt we will, they have a pretty poor track record. But we’ll see. We’ll see.

Like what you read? Need a little humor in your day?
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E*Trade Babies Grow Up So Fast

I’m back. Miss me? No…? Hmm. Remember me? No…? Ah there you are, the few of you. Nice. I’m going to be doing the blog again, though less frequently. Right now looking at a Saturday feature, possibly I’ll add one more day. For now though on with it.

New babies, new babies. What we gonna do with new babies?

E*TRADE:

I understand that babies grow up. You run a campaign with a baby, eventually you’ll run out of time. The original E*Trade baby was magic. Cute, funny, Randy Krallman at the helm. It all worked. This commercial is funny, with the shocked face. I read a criticism of the shocked face, arguing that they should have morphed it to look more shocked. Which is idiotic. Understated is why these commercials have worked. We’ve had the overly morphed faces and that was always stupid.

I didn’t include the other new one with the baby-shop quartet. That’s walking a line of poor thought I’d rather not even get into. Right now I’d like to query about the replacement baby, which is just not as personable but hopefully will grow on me. Why couldn’t we have transitioned into the original’s friend? The one who wants to ‘flex the golden pipes?’ That baby was mad funny. This feels too sudden. You should have warmed the water by having a younger baby appear with the original a couple times first.

*sigh”

They really do grow up too fast.

Like what you read? Need a little humor in your day?
Check out my main blog at The Non-Review